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Sunday, October 7, 2018

I’m so sorry, I’m not silent anymore.

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again!
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping!
And the vision that was planted in my brain still remains,
Within the sound of silence!

We’ve got no excuses,
For all of these hateful sides!
Call me when it's over,
'Cause I'm dying inside!
Wake me when the hate is gone,
And the cold hearts disappear!
Call me when it’s over,
And love has reappeared!

When he told you you're not good enough,
When he told you you're not right,
When he told you you're not strong enough,
To put up a good fight!
When he told you you're not worthy,
When he told you you're not loved,
When he told you you're not beautiful,
That you'll never be enough!
He is a liar!

Now I got issues,
But you got 'em too!
Look at all of our problems,
Nobody wants to solve them!

Close my eyes before you leave,
So I don't have to look at you in shame!
Take my hand and give me peace,
Cause I don't think I'll ever be the same!
One by one they testify,
I never did enough,
I never cared enough,
Even though I stood, I could always run away!
We all wonder why,
It's easier to blame than it is to believe!

Momma, I'm so sorry, We don’t speak anymore!
And daddy, please forgive me, I’m not silent anymore!
To the ones who don’t believe me,
We've been down this road before!
I'm so sorry, I'm not silent anymore!

When he told you were troubled,
You'll forever be alone,
When he told you you should run away,
You'll never find a home,
When he told you you were dirty,
And you should be ashamed,
When he told you no one would believe you,
That forever you’ll be disgraced,
He is a liar!

He will take your breath,
Stop you in your steps!
He will rob your innocence,
Steal your belief that love exists!

I'm angry, I'm so angry!
When I'm down, I get real down!
When I'm high, I don't come down!
I get angry, baby, believe me,
It’s all because you judge me!

I'm sorry to my future love,
For the man that ruined me!
For making others think the worst of me!
I wanna be a role model,
But I'm only human!

Who's to know if your soul will fade at all,
The one you sold to fool the world!
Good god your comin' up with reasons,
I feel so raped!
You’re such a fucking hypocrite!

I'm sorry that you don’t believe me,
I promise I'll get help!
It wasn't my intention,
To think this of myself!

I got issues,
And one of them is how bad you treat me!
You do shit on purpose,
You get mad and you break things!
Never feel bad or try to fix things!
But you're perfect, oh they think your so perfect!

And you fake it, so out of line, 
You fake it, for all the world to see!
Fake it because your pride means more,
Than my feelings anymore! 
And you should know that the lies wont hide the truth of what’s inside!

I can’t bite my tongue,
I just stay awake for days!
I can fake a smile,
I can force a laugh,
But I’m only human,
And I bleed when I fall down,
And I crash and I break down!
Your words in my head, knives in my heart,
You build me up and then rip me apart!
I can take so much,
Until I’ve had enough!

In restless dreams I walked alone,
And in the naked light I saw,
Ten thousand people, maybe more!
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening!

You can fake with the best of anyone,
You can fake with the best of em all,
Yet I can’t fake it all!
I feel so raped!
You’re such a fucking hypocrite!

And the people bowed and prayed,
To a god that they had made!
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming!
And the sign said, written in these walls, are memories of those hurt most of all!

These words depict the inner story of someone sexually abused and how they feel about loved ones and strangers alike. In light of recent events these things really stuck in my head. You may notice an occasional resemblance to some music, that’s because certain lyrics really stuck with me. I created my own version of what some of those lyrics mean to me. 

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